THE SAFETY IN AVOIDANCE
(what my heart has convinced my head)


I've not looked back at previous pages in a while. Avoiding what could possibly
hurt my heart as it reminds me of dark days and nights. There is a false sense of safety in avoidance. A skill I have quite perfected over the years.

This morning was different and without much contemplation I turned back the pages, went back in time. It's amazing that the brain can so quickly manifest the emotion in a split second once the eyes view the art and the words splashed down with the tears........a watercolor of sadness and anger.........and immeasurable grief.



The words of Linda Ronstadt's song ~
something deep inside of me is shattered......like the sound of broken glass.


I share a page from the past
and a little envelope made from a black and white copy of one of my art pieces
(The now familiar Luna Fae)



.....words torn from a page of text.
Inside, photos of my sister and her children,
alongside the obituary from our home town paper.......
all gathered and placed in my journal

as I sat quietly, painfully grieving, against the window of the plane carrying me back to Arizona.

Speaking silently to my Mother (who would have celebrated her birthday that very day I was in the air) about her youngest child, with her and my little brother now.







Today I add a letter my sister wrote me several years ago.

I save all my letters.

They carry the spirit of the person writing them.

In this case, a little sister
who loved her oldest sister unconditionally.

If I can leave you with one thought
Take a moment and hand write a letter to someone
you care about or someone you've been thinking of.

It is a gift that is worth more than any
commercial greeting card.





4 comments:

Maija said...

I understand the avoidance part...I've been doing that little dance, very close to the edge.
When I have the strangth, I will go into my boxes to find letters from my mom.
oxox

dogfaeriex5 said...

sweet faerie~
sometimes you have to go back in order to go foward....
sending healing faerie dust~
x0x

Sharon said...

Some days we need to look back and remember. I think it is the time of the year. I have letters from my Mother that I enjoy reading.

Rosa said...

How true about the hand written letters and notes. I try and send my son a card when I go out of town. I still have all of my mom's.